Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
