Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
