super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
