I want to stick my p in your. b.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
