I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
