you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
