just come out here and I will go home with you...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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