Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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