Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
