Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
