Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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