five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
