My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
