This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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