my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
