How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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