Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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