I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
