No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wear drunk well.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
