I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
