Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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