dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
