i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
they're like a gay fantastic four
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
