I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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