Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Randomize
