so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
