Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
