Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
