And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize