this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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