Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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