i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
