In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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