I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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