I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
