so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize