Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sext me about skeletons
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
