I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
