Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
