so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
