i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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