I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
