Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
