He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
