I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
