I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize