D3 body, D1 cock
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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