My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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