i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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