I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
