I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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