we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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