You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
