you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
