yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
