Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you would pick up someone in the library
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
