My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
