I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
