Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
