My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize