Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
