I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dignity is for republicans.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
