I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize